relationally challenged?

On my walks to and from work, I often find comfort in the settled feeling I have here in Belfast. As I walk faster than I ever have before to get warm until I reach the Tesco, where I begin to roast and I slowly take off layers on the second half of the walk, it is familiar. The Antrim Road feels like a long skinny version of the Appalachian State Campus that I knew so well not too long ago. Life has become routine. But I came here for more than a walk back and forth to the church every day. I wonder now, sitting reflecting on this whole experience, if the routine takes away from the experience. While I welcome the settled feeling, knowing how life goes here, no longer even thinking about which way traffic is going, I wonder if I have missed opportunity or not searched for it because of the comfort of routine. I often have to remind myself that I am here as a missionary, and not just working for the year. Yes, I would use that term. Forget the evangelical, proselytizing picture you have in your head. There is more to Mission Work. And yes, I do have a 'job' per say with a boss and set hours, but I have many other 'jobs' or 'goals' for my time here. I want to seek out new things to be involved in and new ways to make a difference. This is my challenge for myself in the new year (a bit early for new years resolutions... haha but it just came to me)

I talked with my friend Emily back at home today briefly, she was distracted at work and through IM I got to aid in that. She asked about work, and I said it was going well. Which, on the surface it is. Week to week, the groups I work with and the events we do are running well. But, I got to thinking, what difference am I really making, especially in the lives of the kids at school and at the youth club. I feel very content with my work with my church kids; I feel like I know most of them, we have formed relationships, and I can genuinely say that I care for each of them. The other kids I see are different. While I see all my kids only once a week, how is it that I've bonded with one group, but not the others? Is it the nature of my work with them or the difference in the kids themselves that changes the general relationship dynamic? Am I not trying as hard with community kids as I have with F&M kids? How can I work on this?

This week marks 4 months in Belfast. With another 7 months ahead of me, I hope I can say I have formed relationships with all my kids, however small they may be. I hope I find no great difference in my relationships within the groups of kids I see, and I hope I feel a greater sense of accomplishment than I do now.